Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Keeping The Penis Where It Belongs

I have been wanting to write about this subject for quite a while and coming across this story in the wee hours of the morning led me to open ye olde blog. I really didn't have a problem with the gay and lesbian scene in the late 80s, when I was really into that. But by the late 90s, being with someone of the same sex was not just something you did or didn't do--it had become a political statement. Guys were taking babies away from moms because they wanted to pretend that they were a family, just like heterosexual adopters do. Even now, the whole same-sex marriage issue, a huge distraction from what's really going on in the world, as NDAA and other legislation is passed with hardly a word from mainstream media. Nonetheless, Gay Agenda Persons (GAPs) fill the gay and lesbian world these days and creepily, being in love with someone of your own sex has become something that must drag along with it a rather strange political agenda. Somewhere between the sexy gay clubs of the 80s and 90s and Chastity Bono's grafting on (or whatever) of a penis, GAPs were created. Fueled by a mainstream media that spewed much government propaganda, GAPs have now become mainstream. Anybody that doesn't go along with their agenda is, of course, homophobic. I can try and defend myself and my views, but still, I will be called all sorts of names by people who don't even know me.
And so now, it's become all about the GLBT movement. For those not in the know, G=Gay; L=Lesbian; B=bisexual; and T=transgender. I used to identify myself as an "L," but now, I'd probably go more with the "B" thing. Nonetheless, anyone who is not a total religious whacko nut, or whatever it is that people who have some integrity and spirituality are being called these days, surely knows that if you like people of the same sex at all, you must also support the genital and body mutilation of transgenderism. And now, as the previously-mentioned story indicates, this kind of mutilation is being played out in the child arena. Young Zach, who fancies himself a girl, has tried to cut off his penis. No word is said about how there is a total absence of God in this view, but then again, no word really needs to be said. Personally, I'm not much for surgery per se. I am certainly thankful for the one that got my third child out safely, via caesarean; but I could have done without the tonsilectomy and the other minor surgeries that plagued my childhood. Going under the proverbial knife has become big business these days and evidently, surgeons aren't making quite enough money.

I've heard of so many people from the little town close to where I grew up in North Carolina who have had a doctor remove their uterus. This is a major thing and yet, it's almost treated as casually as outpatient surgery these days. In California, I know of no mom who has had this done. Most moms that I hang out with eschew surgery and try lots of natural stuff instead. I have often said that I am the only member of my graduating class without diabetes and that's pretty much the truth. I am also the only one, to my knowledge, who has moved to California. My diet is not stellar, and I certainly need to cut back on the alcohol, and yet, I'm in pretty good health. Then again, we try to eat a lot of veggies and grow our own food and such and we look for alternative treatments. We also don't take silly and possibly harmful things such as the flu shot or the chicken pox vaccine. So far, this kind of thing has worked absolutely fabulous for us.

Nonetheless, we were riding around L.A. one day a few months ago and sure enough, there was a story not unlike the previously-mentioned one, in which a little girl wanted to turn into a little boy or whatever. The child was eight. My children were listening and I had to tell them that God creates us and that His creation is beautiful. The conversation didn't get into the following details, but I am not ashamed to say that chopping off one's penis or breasts or taking hormones to make yourself the opposite sex is just wrong. I know we've all gotten away from God and nature, but when you get so far away that you're chopping off body parts, you're in a land where I never want to go.
Just as parents easily give their children drugs for the supposed alphabet illnesses, such as ADHD, ADD, and all those other things, they are now supporting penis-chopping-off and hormone treatments that give jobs to psychiatrists and surgeons who would otherwise have to be gainfully employed. It's one thing to have a grown adult make a decision to dress like the opposite sex; it's quite another to support the whims of a young child who is determined to be the opposite sex. Young children need guidance, but many parents seem sort of to have forgotten that. I realize that cutting is now in vogue and that some teenagers do body mutilation for fun. Or whatever. But where have they learned this behavior? And why do parents seem to support it? Cutting yourself is disgusting and gross and flies in the proverbial face of a Creator who has given us life. But cutting off your genitals?!? Introducing crappy stuff like hormones into your body because you are the "wrong sex"?!? Although I realize it's not the most eloquent way to say this, that $hit is crazy.

Still, some parents are so indulgent to their child's whims that they cannot say a common sense sentence such as, "Zach, God created you and your penis and your arms and your legs and you should not hack them." Or even such common sense advice as this: "When you are 18 and on your own, you can cut your penis off if you like, but as long as you are living in my house, you will live the way that God created you." No, nobody will say this when there's money to be made by Gender Identity Disorder clinics.
And of course, GAPs defend the right of their fellow human beings to mutilate their bodies to keep them from mutilating their bodies, or whatever. I mean, really, that's what this is about, isn't it? Supposedly, little Zach was trying to cut off his penis and instead of telling him that is wrong, his parents signed him up for a lifetime of hormone treatments and will probably allow a surgeon one day to cut of said penis and reconstruct a vagina. Obamacare will one day pay for this kind of thing. This whole thing really gives me the creeps. That the parents give in to their son so easily also gives me the creeps. People magazine and other publications totally and completely give in as well, calling Chastity Bono a boy these days when in fact, Chastity is just a really screwed up and mutilated girl. But what People and other mainstream magazines say is much more important than the Bible these days, evidently, and so, the idea that God creates us in His image and that we should take care of the body that He gives us is indeed becoming passe. Oh, well.

Sure, I'll be called homophobic for writing all this and yes, people will say how horrid it is for my children that they are growing up in my house, teaching them to believe that we should not mutilate our body and that our body is, indeed, a temple. Sexuality is a gift from God and it is a mystery as well. Some of us morph quite easily from being attracted to the same sex to being attracted to the opposite sex. Some are only attracted to the same sex; others are attracted only to the opposite sex. And no, for most people, being in a same-sex relationship is not something that's like being a certain ethnicity. So the argument that GAPs make about gays and lesbians being downtrodden like blacks were is a crazy-as-hell argument. But people tended to lose all argumentative skills when Oprah and her ilk started saying "Go, girl!" and yelling at those who disagreed with them. I remember a college roommate saying something like, "People on Oprah are so rude" once and she was spot on in that analysis. Intelligent debate and analysis is in short supply these days. Aristotle would be astounded at how far we've gone in reverse regarding argumentative skills. People have become more and more stupid and with parents like Zach's, it's easy to see how there is not much hope for improvement in the future.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Another Saturday Night and I'm Lonely

I think the headline words are actually song lyrics. Maybe it's even the name of the song. This headline has certainly been going through my head a lot tonight. And yes, I am a little bit lonely, probably I have been since I left North Carolina. There's something about going to the Ladies' Sunday School class at BTL's church that I absolutely love. I feel very loved and cared for there.
But tonight, I was at the Liquid Zoo, home to meth addicts, reformed meth addicts, prostitutes, comics, and tonight, singers. Oh, it was a wild bunch indeed. Comics, wisely, pretty much leave me the f' alone at shows, but these singers didn't know me from Adam's housecat. Two of them tried to pick me up. I must admit that it was indeed very nice to have two people in the bar try to do that very thing. Look, I've been married for 14 years; I'm not used to that kind of attention. And I don't mean that in a way that's disrespectful to SF. It's just that I really get very little attention here in the SFV. I guess I really like attention and somehow, that's one of the things that's missing from my relationship with SF. I wish it weren't, but it is.

And so, tonight I sang Hall and Oates' Sara Smile and Player's Baby Come Back at the Zoo, where I usually do comedy. I guess I got a little bit out of my comfort zone. Just two weeks ago, I was singing in the church choir. This was a different venue, for sure, but somehow, bars give me a sense of comfort. Granted, it's not a comfort that's greater than that of the churches that I love; it's just different. I believe there are good people in both places. Tonight, I really enjoyed singing. It's good also to sing a little more directly for the Lord, as I did a couple of weeks ago. And I'll go ahead and mention this while I'm at it: Yes, I am a comic, but I also have a very strong desire to teach Sunday School. I've helped in my sons' classes before, but during January, in the fabulous Ladies' Sunday School class at BTL's church, I was actually assigned to teach. I hate to sound hokey here, but it was a dream come true. And in case you're thinking, "You sing the Dildo Song, Tricia!" Yes, I do, but here's the deal: The lesson I facilitated was about Rahab, The Harlot! Now, harlot I can do. What I really dug about Rahab is that she did a lot of stuff that more "normal" people would have been afraid to do. For instance, she harbored some soldiers, which is what God wanted her to do. Possibly because she was so very unafraid of what people would say, she wasn't afraid to follow God's orders.

You know, I really think that most if not all of the women in that room identified much more with Rahab than we really wanted to admit.

Tonight, I met a guy--let's call him S.--whose wife died. He really seemed to love her. Here I go again, but why do people who love each other sometimes have one person die? I don't understand it at all. I guess I can only see through the glass darkly right now and maybe that's all I can really handle. S. used to be a lawyer. He made lots of money and is now living on savings while he figures out his life. We talked for a while. He was kinda neat and I really enjoyed talking with him. I think I could have done some cocaine with him if I'd wanted to, but I haven't done that in a while and I really don't want to take that kind of chance, especially since I've become a mom. Still, it was an interesting offer.

My heart is a little less lonely because I met and talked with S. tonight. I certainly am thankful for that. Still, here I am, writing a little after midnight. I think that I really like the writing stuff and I guess that's why I'm somewhat comfortable being lonely. Going to the Zoo tonight and singing was a little bit out of my comfort zone, but then, I'm kinda comfortable being lonely and if there's one thing that bars are full of, it's lonely people.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

What's Really Important in a Relationship?!?

I'm trying to figure out a lot of stuff these days. Things with BtL fizzled when he returned to his wife. Even though they are legally divorced, he is more loyal to her than many husbands are to their wives. He will always put her first. Or so he has shown me. And so, I have lost a friendship that I have had, off and on, since high school. And so, here I am, right back where I was two years ago, with sons' father (SF), before the online guy (TOG) and before I got way too chummy with someone I had thought was a friend, BtL.

I'm back to a marriage that is satisfying in some ways, but not in others. I will probably stay in this marriage, although the lack of emotional closeness is something I've been trying to solve for years. I think that's the reason for the lesbian kick that I went on (not that I didn't date women before I ever met SF; I did, but a few years ago, I figured that a relationship with a woman would solve our marital problems--sounds crazy, I know). I think it's why BtL and I became such close friends; he listened to me and talked with me emotionally in a way that SF never would have. And I think it's the reason for TOG. I think I've been trying to make SF into a person that I feel emotionally close to, when I don't think that he's that kind of guy.

He is a good father, though, and my kids really like him. I think we all appreciate him much more since the abuse of BtL. Sure, BtL led me on and asked me to believe that he and MSG were divorced, but the reality is that, no matter what the legal documents may say, they are not. And so, he lied to all of us and physically and emotionally abused my sons. So very glad that all of that is over now. He and MSG and their daughter have created their own little crazy world and my sons and I are glad not to be a part of it anymore.

Where does this leave me? I'm not so very sure. I do love what I'm doing and the money that SF makes certainly makes those things possible. Sure, I'm giving up a career and a 401K plan and all the other great stuff that comes with working outside the home, but I'm also raising my boys and that is very important to me. SF certainly makes this process easier or perhaps more accurately, he makes it possible. Perhaps that is why we married each other in the first place.

I am thankful that I am realizing marriage isn't perfect. I am as stuck with SF as he is with me. Maybe that is a good thing. I don't know if any truly happily married people exist. And so, looking for greener grass may just be a stupid thing to do. After all, who would want a woman with three children? And if I can't trust someone (BtL) that I knew in a small rural high school in North Carolina, how likely is it that I will meet a guy in L.A. who is trustworthy? When I am 70, I probably won't care that much about sex. SF is certainly there for the boys and me and for that, I am very thankful.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Running to the Pot Store in Tap Shoes

Sometimes sex doesn't matter. Sometimes, sexuality doesn't matter. Here I had gone and left tap class early and arranged for SF to babysit, all because I was trying to get to the pot store before it closed. Used to be, when L.A. was a little bit freer, that pot stores could stay open all night. Pharmacies can, after all. Then, some very uptight L.A. city council people decided that they just had to get involved. And of course, they decided that parents, and others, who partake legally of a God-given substance must choose to buy that substance before 8 p.m. I used to be able to do all kinds of things before going to the pot store, doing so only after my children were in bed, or running down to the end of the street before 10 p.m. That's right: 10 p.m.

Those were the days, before the L.A. City Council started trying to control our lives. And so, tonight, I found myself running to the pot store. Literally. Fresh Air on NPR had just signed off for the evening. It was right at 8 p.m. I found a parking space. I got out, still in my tap shoes, tapped down to Burbank Blvd. and turned right, still running and tapping, until I got to the door. One of the black guys who works there opened the door for me. He has a really nice smile. He let me in. I went back to the room where you actually buy the pot. I had wanted to get there because the edibles are two-for-one on Fridays. I ran and I got there. In tap shoes.

Tonight, they had Snicker bars. I certainly like that kind of thing better than smoking. And I certainly like buying it legally, even if the Feds seem to be working with the L.A. City Council these days, trying once again to shut some pot stores down. I love the Snickers pot bars--they are lovely.

And so, I tapped back to the HO and went to Whole Foods, Snickers in the vehicle. Yum.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sex and Your Ex-Marriage: RDGs 7 and 151

Last Friday, I was chatting on FB with a guy who is about to be divorced and our conversation inspired me to come up with the following questions to ask Random Divorced Guys (RDGs). They're not really that random. In fact, they are all my friends on FB, although I am quite willing to entertain other, perhaps more truly random, divorced guys and ask them these questions. I am fascinated by relationships, partially, perhaps, because I tend to suck at them. And so, I like to see what went wrong or right. Or maybe I just like asking these questions because they distract me from my current situation, which includes no ideal relationships. Well, as far as adults go, anyway. I sure don't have the adult relationship thing worked out. RDG7, btw, has no children, from what I understand; RDG151 has children.

1) Would you have sex with your ex-wife?
2) When did you get married?
3) How long were you separated and are you now legally divorced?
4) When was the last time that you had sex with your ex-wife?
5) Why did you not want to be married to her anymore? Would you remarry her?

Bonus Question: How big of a factor was sex, the lack thereof, or anything in between, in the demise of your marriage? Please feel free to explain in as much detail as possible. Or sum it up in one sentence or so.

From RDG7

(1) Yes, yummy
(2) 2001, age 25
(3) were separated for a year, have been legally divorced for year and a half
(4) about two years ago
(5) Didn't want to be married any more because we grew apart and marriage got very rough, very hostile on both sides. I wouldn't take back the marriage, but no i wouldn't remarry her.

Bonus: Lack of sex was a symptom of problems, not the cause of them. When I stopped feeling like she had my back i lost interest sexually.


From RDG151
1) yes, but it would have to be no strings attached. like it didn't mean we were getting back together
2) got married in 1997

3) we agreed to separate in Oct 2010, but I didn't move out until Feb 2011. We never filed legally separated paperwork but filed for divorce end of June 2011

4) august 2010
5a) The stress and tension between us was affecting the kids adversely. I don't think there is an easy answer. But it was not the relationship I, or we, wanted it to be. The pain of being together and unfulfilled was greater than the pain and fear of separating
5b) short answer: no
long answer: she would have to change who she is dramatically. she seems happy with herself and I am happy with the direction I am moving. if we remarried, it would be out of fear and in months we would be miserable.

bonus question: the lack of sex was a symptom. we could no longer be there for each other in the way we wanted the other to be there. so lack of emotionally intimacy resulted in lack of physical intimacy.

I am quite fascinated by the fact that both men, who do not, to my knowledge, know each other, had such similar answers to the bonus question. That is, that "lack of sex was a symptom." Both men used the same words to answer the question, in fact, having similar reasons as to why the sex stopped. They differed slightly in how they said it, but both said that basically, the trust, the emotional support, was gone and this killed the relationship for them, even the sex . Both men felt that she was not there for him, that she did not provide the emotional support that he was looking for. We so very often blame guys for stuff and guys so very often get the short end of the proverbial stick in divorces, especially when there are children involved. It's good to hear some real honest emotions from guys. Turns out, guys have them.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Where I'm At With This Sex Thing

I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to understand. I don't understand me, either. And sometimes, I don't like myself very much, but I'm working on that.

Tonight, I was talking with a friend of mine on FB and in response to one of his questions, I wrote this. It sounded so very spot on, as the British would say, that I thought I'd share it:

Right now, I'm repelled by most everyone, but there was a time, yes, when titties were much more in my thoughts than they are now. And I think that when I started having trouble in my marriage (marriage #2, btw), that I thought that maybe I was just wanting titties or something. That sounds way more simplistic than it actually is. But now, I have no idea what the hell is going on.

Of course, I had this conversation right smack dab in the middle of editing a DoD proposal. I love to edit, but I have had a long day and I really needed some adult conversation, which I received this evening, thanks to my friend who inspired the above and to another FB friend, with whom I had a similar, although not quite as deep sexually, conversation. Not that there was a lot of sexual content to either conversation. Oh, why am I telling you all this?!?

Sometimes, I wonder what we would do without FB. How did we ever survive?

When I talked with Nan the Medical Intuitive the other day, she told me that my not being attracted to anybody right now was my way of taking a break from relationships. Well, maybe, but I think that right now, my heart has been taken out and stomped on, as if it were grapes in Italy and the entire village was trying to make some kind of special celebratory merlot from it. Perhaps it is obvious, but that kind of thing really f'in' hurts. And yet, I realize that my heart was stomped upon by a crappy person. And I'm trying to get rid of those. I really can't see a relationship going on with me. Maybe ever. As BtL's mama suggested, maybe I'll just go it alone. She certainly has, ever since BtL's daddy died when BtL was in twelfth grade. Right now, the going-it-alone option, scary as it is, seems as though it's the best decision I could ever make.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I Need To Be More Of A . . .

Slut. I have decided, in fact, to be celibate for a while, not that my personal state of sexuality is any of your business. Of course. I realize that already, there's a contradiction there. How can I be celibate and more of a slut?

Rule #2: For Rule #1, please check out my Comic Mom journal. Or check it out anyway.

Facial Hair: I really dig that in a guy. For those wondering, I'm leaning more towards guys these days, btw. I'm finding guys more interesting and I'm not sure why. Neither am I sure of my silly rules, such as "Facial Hair." Sure, I dig it, but what if some guy with no facial hair were to surprise me. How would I feel then? I love surprises.

For now, Facial Hair is a good thing, Rule #2. For guys. I sometimes really dig guys with facial hair.

And I think I'm having a contest, "Dinner with Trish" or something. It can be a virtual dinner, via webcam, or a live dinner. Hmmmmm.

I was going to try this on my new Internet radio show, when I take that into my life, but then again, I'm impatient.