Sex and Your Ex-Marriage: RDGs 7 and 151

Last Friday, I was chatting on FB with a guy who is about to be divorced and our conversation inspired me to come up with the following questions to ask Random Divorced Guys (RDGs). They're not really that random. In fact, they are all my friends on FB, although I am quite willing to entertain other, perhaps more truly random, divorced guys and ask them these questions. I am fascinated by relationships, partially, perhaps, because I tend to suck at them. And so, I like to see what went wrong or right. Or maybe I just like asking these questions because they distract me from my current situation, which includes no ideal relationships. Well, as far as adults go, anyway. I sure don't have the adult relationship thing worked out. RDG7, btw, has no children, from what I understand; RDG151 has children.

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1) Would you have sex with your ex-wife?
2) When did you get married?
3) How long were you separated and are you now legally divorced?
4) When was the last time that you had sex with your ex-wife?
5) Why did you not want to be married to her anymore? Would you remarry her?

Bonus Question: How big of a factor was sex, the lack thereof, or anything in between, in the demise of your marriage? Please feel free to explain in as much detail as possible. Or sum it up in one sentence or so.

From RDG7

(1) Yes, yummy
(2) 2001, age 25
(3) were separated for a year, have been legally divorced for year and a half
(4) about two years ago
(5) Didn't want to be married any more because we grew apart and marriage got very rough, very hostile on both sides. I wouldn't take back the marriage, but no i wouldn't remarry her.

Bonus: Lack of sex was a symptom of problems, not the cause of them. When I stopped feeling like she had my back i lost interest sexually.

From RDG151
1) yes, but it would have to be no strings attached. like it didn't mean we were getting back together

2) got married in 1997

3) we agreed to separate in Oct 2010, but I didn't move out until Feb 2011. We never filed legally separated paperwork but filed for divorce end of June 2011

4) august 2010

5a) The stress and tension between us was affecting the kids adversely. I don't think there is an easy answer. But it was not the relationship I, or we, wanted it to be. The pain of being together and unfulfilled was greater than the pain and fear of separating

5b) short answer: no

long answer: she would have to change who she is dramatically. she seems happy with herself and I am happy with the direction I am moving. if we remarried, it would be out of fear and in months we would be miserable.

bonus question: the lack of sex was a symptom. we could no longer be there for each other in the way we wanted the other to be there. so lack of emotionally intimacy resulted in lack of physical intimacy.

I am quite fascinated by the fact that both men, who do not, to my knowledge, know each other, had such similar answers to the bonus question. That is, that "lack of sex was a symptom." Both men used the same words to answer the question, in fact, having similar reasons as to why the sex stopped. They differed slightly in how they said it, but both said that basically, the trust, the emotional support, was gone and this killed the relationship for them, even the sex . Both men felt that she was not there for him, that she did not provide the emotional support that he was looking for. We so very often blame guys for stuff and guys so very often get the short end of the proverbial stick in divorces, especially when there are children involved. It's good to hear some real honest emotions from guys. Turns out, guys have them.